Day after day...
The store that one might...
I hate television. It gives me headaches.
There's so many magnetic waves traveling in the airspace
because of TV and television, we're losing
10 times as many brain cells as we're supposed to.
Oh, please.
"The cow says blank."
Three letters.
Dude!
"Dude"!
I don't know. Magnetic waves, brain cells.
I don't understand the connection between that stuff.
You know what else I heard?
Magnetic waves shrink silicone molecules.
- Aah! - Aah!
Oh, my God! Turn it off!
It's not working!
It's backwards!
- What do we do? - I don't know!
Oh, my God!
That was kind of scary.
- I know something even scarier. - What?
Have you heard about this videotape?
Where they do it on the boat? And then in the car?
And then in the bathtub?
He's like, "Baby, I love you." And she's like, "Where are we?"
- And did you see the... - No.
- Not that tape. - Oh.
The one with all the scary images.
After you watch the tape, the phone rings.
And this scary voice comes on and says you're gonna die in...
Seven days. I saw that one with Josh last weekend.
You were with Josh last weekend?
Oh, my God!
Oh, yes, I was.
Oh, you ho!
You know it!
Oh!
Aah!
This is really weird.
Yeah.
Big house, only one phone.
Hello?
I'm coming for you, my precious.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, precious. Having fun?
Hey, ask her which bathroom has the vibrating showerhead.
Hello?
Katie?
Are you okay?
Aah!
Ow.
God!
Oh!
Whoa.
Tom, did you hear...
The dogs are acting strange.
Sue!
What are you doing out here?
We were worried sick.
What's wrong?
I wonder what they're trying to tell us.
And now...
Washington, D.C.'s leading morning news program,
"The Morning News."
Good morning. I'm Ross Giggins.
For our top story, we turn now to Cindy Campbell.
Thank you, Ross.
There's a developing story in Middleburg at this hour.
A mysterious crop circle appeared
in local farmer Tom Logan's cornfield.
Elaborate prank or extraterrestrial phenomenon?
We'll update you as soon as we have any further information.
But either way, it's clear something strange
is happening in that small town.
Ross?
I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
Coming up, more news after this.
- Cindy, you got a second? - Sure.
I want you to take a look at this for that strip club exposé.
But I'd rather stick with the crop circle story.
Oh, come on. You know those things are just a hoax.
No, I'm telling you, I sense something about that cornfield.
Call it women's intuition or ESPN or both.
But I can tell when danger's near.
Ow!
My eyes!
Cindy, it's sweeps month. Ratings mean everything.
People want human interest stories.
Like the one you did yesterday.
The report on breast augmentation?
It was just 10 minutes of topless women.
I mean, come on.
Wow!
Why are these so interesting?
Oh, for God's sake.
People don't care about this.
They want hard-hitting stories and in-depth coverage and...
And twins!
You think it was the Kreisel boys
who cut that stuff into your corn?
All I know is my crops are gone.
The bank's gonna foreclose if I can't pay the rent.
I got 60 days to come up with $1.50.
I'm sorry.
The last thing you needed was more...
...hardship in your life.
Especially after what happened to...
Sheriff, I don't need your sympathy.
I didn't mean to upset you, Father.
Please. I'm not a minister anymore.
I lost my faith that terrible night.
Your faith will return.
Just as sure as the sun will rise.
Sounds like a long shot.
Look, there's always an explanation
for all this so-called phenomena.
Maybe you're right.
It was probably just the Kreisels.
And when I get through with them,
I doubt you'll be seeing anything strange on this farm
for a long time.
You'll see.
You all right, Tom? Get some rest.
George!
I need you back here tomorrow night after you pick up Sue.
That tractor needs fixing.
Sorry, dawg. I can't help you. I have to get ready for my show.
Not that stupid hip-hop stuff again.
Damn it, when are you going to do something with your life?
I got a dream!
- What is your dream? - To have a dream.
George, all you've done is chase adolescent fantasies.
"I want to be an astronaut. A cowboy.
Gynecologist to the stars."
And now this stupid hip-hop thing.
For your information,
this hip-hop thing is gonna get me paid.
I'm gonna win that rap battle.
Rap battle? Oh, for God's sake.
You just hate me 'cause I'm black.
You don't have any faith in me.
You don't have any faith in anything anymore.
So why don't you just worry about you,
and I'll worry about... Aah!
Cody!
You're late again, Aunt Cindy.
I'm sorry. I was stuck in traffic.
Cindy!
Brenda, hi!
Oh, it's great to see you!
Oh, it's been so long.
Oh, too long. I've been working so hard.
I've had to spend more and more time at the station.
The news just keeps coming in.
What was the assignment?
Draw your family and friends.
Oh.
Anyone new in your life, Cindy?
Well, you know, I just haven't found the right guy.
I'm looking for something more than just good sex.
I know. You want commitment.
No, I want great sex. And when I meet that guy...
That's what I'm talking 'bout!
You want a guy that's like, bam, bam, bam!
You know what I'm saying?
Did I say stop drawing?
Look, when I meet Mr. Right, I'll know.
Uncle George!
Hey, sweetie! Come here!
How are you? Oh!
Mmm! Go get your stuff, okay?
I know you.
You're Tom Logan's brother.
And you're that reporter, Cindy Campbell.
You did the story on our cop cycles.
Crop circles.
Right.
So, you're here to pick up your...
Nephew, Cody.
You don't dress like a farmer.
My brother's the farmer.
I'm the rapper.
- Hmm. - Oh, for real.
And here's the 6-1-1 on that.
That's phone repair. You mean 4-1-1.
Right.
So, I'll be doing the rap battle at the 23 Club tomorrow night.
Oh, I don't believe this shit.
Word! You two should come down!
I'll be rappin', I'll be cappin',
I'll be tappin', I'll be flappin',
I'll be happen-ing.
Ding, bing, wing.
- Yo! - Sounds good!
Would, could, should, 'hood.
- Ugh! - Gug, mug, dug, bug.
If we say we'll come, will you shut your ass up?
Okay, then. Fresh.
I'll see you guys tomorrow night.
Okay. Bye.
Peace out.
Now, who the fuck did that?
Honey, what is it?
Are you having one of your visions?
There's a girl... with black hair.
She wants to kill you.
Your period starts in three... two... one.
What else? Cody, what else do you see?
I see a little boy and a grown woman.
But no father.
Oh, Cody.
I see you kneeling in dog shit.
What? Ugh!
Oh, for God's sake.
Cody, don't you understand?
As long as we have each other, that's all we need.
I know things have been tough for you since your mom died.
God, I have been so selfish. Always putting my career first.
From now on, I'm gonna be thinking about you 24...
Damn!
Wait, Cindy! Wait!
Aah!
Honey, I'm gonna be leaving soon, so...
Do you know who she is?
No.
But sometimes she talks to me.
She's coming tonight.
Oh, Father Muldoon.
Cindy.
I'm so grateful you could come.
I've called all over for babysitters.
I don't mind filling in now and then.
Where is little Cody?
I don't know.
He must be back in his room, playing.
Anyway, I left a number where I can be reached on the table.
Also, he has a little rash on his behind.
So make sure he takes a bath.
Thank you, Father. Good night.
Cody?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's getting thick up in here.
Hey, look, before we get on with the battles tonight,
I got a couple announcements to make.
I know y'all want to bust a cap in the air
for your favorite rapper.
But if you could please hold on to your gunfire
until the end of the show.
Let's just put the safeties on.
It's on the left side of the gun above the trigger guard.
Will somebody get his ass out of here?
All right. Deejay, spin that shit!
Whoa! My bad.
Mother...
Brenda, is something wrong? You look scared.
I don't know. All that stuff you was saying on TV...
I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way.
Like when you see an Asian person
behind the wheel of a car.
Cindy, after the show, you think you could come back to my crib
and hang out with me?
I don't want to be alone.
Oh, of course I will, Brenda.
Oh, I love you.
Pay my way, okay?
Yo, yo, yo, George!
What's up with the man with the tightest rap game
on the streets, baby?
- What's good with you, boy? - Dude!
What's good, baby?
Finally, the white man is gonna school the black man
on how to rap.
- Yeah! - Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
How many people are here, you think?
I don't know, man.
100, 200 whitey-hating, chrome-packing,
ready to bust a cap in any white boy's ass
- who ain't bringing that shit. - Yeah. At least. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Word.
What's wrong, George?
You ever wonder when it's time to stop living up here
and start living down here?
No, but what if we stop living over here and move over there?
My Aunt ShaNeequa used to live over there, man.
But that bitch got evicted.
- Word? What for? - I'm dead serious.
- Mice. - Mice? I thought she had rats.
No, man. Rats are outside. Mice are inside.
What if a mouse goes outside? Does it become a rat?
If a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?
I ain't never seen no mouse outside.
That's because it's a rat, fool!
Damn, you might have just made a fact just now.
Fellas, what are you guys talking about?
Yo, George, you need something?
'Cause I will do anything for you.
Anything.
Well, about those chrome-packing,
whitey-hating gangsters, perhaps...
- What he need is a hype man. - Word!
You can be his Spliff Star.
That's me. That's what I do.
That's my job, baby! That's what I do!
You know that. Goddamn.
I'm cool. That's what I do.
When you a hype man, you take them hits.
All right, all right, all right! That was hot!
That's what I'm talking about. That was hot, right?
Right? Yo, what do we think?
I thought you were both absolutely dreadful.
Ghastly.
What?
I don't know what I'm doing here.
This club is totally pathetic.
You ready, George?
- It's showtime, baby. - Okay.
I just want to let you know no matter what goes on
on that stage tonight...
you'll always be in my heart.
Oh, that's love. That's love right there.
- I love you. - That's what I'm talking about.
I love you, man. Can you feel it?
Can you feel my love on your hip?
Can you feel it?
I can't get around!
Come on, dawg! That's what I'm talkin' about!
You go out there and you rip it tonight. All right, man?
You do your thing tonight, all right?
- Okay. Cool. - We shouldn't have to do that.
We love each other.
I'm gonna go bring you on.
Let's do it, baby. We hyped!
Yeah. All right, all right.
Y'all ready for the next throwdown?
To my left, we have the reigning champion.
Hailing from Fort Apache in the Bronx.
BX! What? What? What?
Some of y'all call him "Jealous Ones Still Envy."
Some of y'all call him the Don Cartagena!
Some of y'all call him Joey Crack.
Stick 'em up!
But, tonight, let's give it up for Fat Joe!
I got to go against him?
Give it up! Give it up!
What you think, they're here to see Fat Joe?
Joe! Joe! Joe!
No, man, they're saying, "Go! Go! Go!"
Now my challenger. Whoo!
He's a farmer rapper.
So you know he been kicking the shit all day!
Let's give it up for my man, George!
That's what I'm talking about! Yeah! Yeah!
Come on, everybody! Put your hands...
That's right. Okay, Joey Crack.
You're the reigning champion, so you get to spit first.
Yo, deejay, spin that shit!
These guys can't be serious right here.
Oh! Okay, let's go! Wait a minute!
Whoo! All right!
All right! That was hot!
That was tight, Fat Joe. Yo!
Now everybody give it up for my man, George!
Deejay, spin that shit!
Whoo!
Come on! Come on! Everybody!
- Check it out. - Go! Go! Go!
Whoo!
That's what I'm talking about!
Give it up for George!
That's my boy right there! That's what...
Oh, shit. Ooh.
George! George! The hood!
Lose the hood!
- I know. We're in the 'hood now! - No, man!
He's a dead man.
You guys feeling me? In the 'hood?
Whoa! Whoa!
Aah!
That's it. I'm done.
Oh, man, you can't give up rap just like that.
Rap shmap.
Look! You still got it! See?
Thanks for coming over tonight, Cindy.
I guess I'm just going through a rough time.
Brenda, you want to tell me what's really bothering you?
Well, there's something I need to...
I saw a tape.
I think you should know about it.
It had these really shocking images, Cindy.
Brenda, it was Mardi Gras.
I never drank vodka before, and I was out of beads!
No, not that tape, Cindy.
Well, I guess it's just an urban legend.
You watch it.
And as soon as it's over, your phone rings
and a creepy voice says...
"You're gonna die in seven days."
And seven days later...
When did you watch it?
A week ago.
A week ago tonight.
Brenda.
Oh, my God!
Oh, Brenda!
Brenda! Oh, my God!
Oh! Oh!
Oh, my God! You bitch!
Ketchup!
You should have seen the look on your face!
You got me!
Brenda? Brenda?
Oh, my God, Brenda! Brenda?
I can't believe you fell for that fake seizure!
But it seemed so real!
- It did, didn't it? - And you peed!
Yeah! I really sold that shit, didn't I?
I just love the look on your face when you are scared!
Girl, you are too easy.
- Aah! - Aah!
I got you with the old fake hand!
Ooh!
Girl, you were scared!
Well, I know!
Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
Well, you've taken it too far, Brenda.
I'm gonna go get the rest of the popcorn.
Cindy?
Oh, forget it. I am not falling for it again.
Oh, come on.
Cindy, the news is on.
Another little white girl done fell down a well.
50 black people get their ass beat by police today,
but the whole world got to stop
for one little whitey down a hole.
Cindy!
The TV's leaking!
Cindy?
Cindy, something's wrong here.
Cindy, this bitch is messing up my floor!
Cindy, help me!
I'm not listening.
Get up, you little ugly bitch,
Come on! Let me see what you got!
What you gonna do? That's all?
Ooh!
I'm whipping her ass, Cindy!
Yeah! What's up?
Ooh!
Aah!
Cindy, please help me!
Cindy!
Okay. Hang on a second.
Hello?
Father Muldoon here. We're getting along famously.
Thanks again, Father. Bye-bye.
Brenda?
Aah!
Oh, my God.
Yes. Yes. Of course I'll tell her.
Thank you.
Sue's teacher, Brenda.
She's...
She's dead.
Oh. I better tell her.
No, no, no. I can do it.
Sue?
Yes?
You know your teacher, Miss Brenda?
Yeah.
- She's dead! - Aah!
Gone forever!
Died a horrible, painful death!
Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog!
My dog's dead?
I just ran him over with the car when I drove in!
Everyone you love around you is dying!
- Aah! - Aah!
Hello, Father.
Don't call me Father.
I haven't been a clergyman since...
I'm sorry about that night.
If I hadn't fallen asleep while driving
for that exact 20 minutes.
If I hadn't drank that exact whole bottle of Jägermeister.
If only I hadn't killed that hooker.
Sayaman.
I don't see what any of this has to do with Annie.
I'm sorry. Those were other nights.
But if it had been that night, I might have missed her.
That terrible night.
It's your wife, Father.
She's hurt.
Annie?
She was hit by a truck, and she's pinned against a tree.
I don't understand.
As long as the truck has her pinned, she'll stay alive.
I still don't get it.
This is your wife.
She broke her wiener?
Look what happens to the taco.
Look, I don't understand all this fancy medical lingo.
I want to see Annie.
She's split in half.
You mean like down-the-middle in half?
At the waist.
You mean this is the last time I can talk to the top half?
Yes.
The truck is the only thing that is holding her together.
Let's say this is her bottom half.
Can I squeeze in a few minutes with that?
I'm not sure what you mean.
- Let me explain. - Tom.
Go to her.
Tom, I'll need a ride home.
Hey, baby. How's it going?
Oh, I'm dying, Tom.
Don't talk like that.
The truck barely hit you.
Honey.
Kiss me one last time.
Promise me you'll never remarry.
I promise.
And no sex, either.
I'm sorry. I didn't catch that.
No sex.
Honey, you're not speaking clearly.
- Your injuries must be awful. - No sex.
Oh, cruel fate to shroud my wife's dying words in mystery.
- No sex! - Poor Annie.
We hardly knew her.
- She'll be missed terribly. - Oh, Jesus.
That's right, honey. Go into the light.
Look!
Just tell George, swing away.
Right. Swing away.
Oh, sure. That you understand.
Annie? Annie!
I'm sorry, dude.
Don't call me dude.
I'm not a stoner anymore. Not since...
Goodbye, Tom.
I'm so sorry, Mr. And Mrs. Meeks.
Brenda was a good friend when she was alive.
My sweet, sweet Brenda.
She looks so peaceful.
Oh...
If only God had taken us instead of our daughter.
And knowing your Brenda like I did,
I'd say she wishes the same thing.
These just came today.
Photos from a trip she took.
They're blank.
Turn them around, honey.
Oh.
Yes, of course.
Who's this?
That's Ralph. He's right over there.
Cody?
It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole.
Smoke all you want. You're gonna get hit by a bus.
That's not fooling anyone.
Cindy.
- George. - Hey.
Sue wanted to pay her respects to her teacher.
You?
Brenda was my bitch.
Of course.
Hmm.
Are you okay?
It's just the open coffin.
I can't believe they leave it out here like this.
- George, it's a wake! - Awake?!
- Brenda! It's a miracle! - No! George, stop!
I thought you were dead!
Sue, your teacher's alive! Hello?!
I got your back, George! I got your back!
She's alive!
I'll tell you what!
Oh!
Mahalik! She's alive! Brenda!
George, stop! She's dead!
No! We won't lose you again!
Mahalik, help!
Nothing!
Ooh!
She's not breathing!
No!
Live, damn it! Live!
Let me open her windpipe!
No! Oh, God!
Charles! Charles, stop them!
Breathe!
Someone stop them! What are they doing?!
Get up!
She's alive! She's alive!
Wake up! Breathe!
- Charles! Charles! - Clear!
No!
Aah!
I got something! I got something!
Aah!
- That's it! - George!
That's the last time I try to bring anyone back from the dead.
George, don't get down on yourself.
I know you were only trying to help.
You're a good, caring person.
Which is why I like you.
Oh, thanks, Cindy.
But I don't want to screw your life up, too.
The most caring thing I could do for everyone right now
is to just get out of here.
George! What about Sue?
Oh, yes. Of course.
Once I get Sue, then...
Wait!
I could really use a friend right now.
Brenda's gone. Cody resents me.
And I'm caught up in something I can't even...
Oh, God, it's so hard!
Well, you're beautiful and you're pressing up against me.
Look, Cindy.
I know you'd never consider going out with a guy like me.
But if you're not too busy tomorrow night...
Is that a yes?
Yes.
Cindy, did Brenda ever talk to you about a tape?
She did mention something.
Do you mind if I go upstairs and look around?
Yes, go. Of course. Go.
Cody, I'll be right back, okay?
You're getting lucky tonight.
He doesn't know you're a guy.
Oh, shit.
Hello?
What? Willie Mays?
Who's gay? Hello?
What?
Can you hear me now?
Kind of.
- Can you hear me now? - Yes. Perfect.
Seven days.
Oh, my God. I'm gonna die next Monday?
Yes. No. Wait.
Monday. That would be seven business days.
This is seven days starting now.
So seven days to this very hour? My watch broke.
How am I gonna know the exact hour?
Forget hours. This day seven days from now.
But there's a holiday coming up. Do you count the holiday?
Well, that depends. What holiday?
- Martin Luther King Day. - Then no.
Why not? Everybody at work is taking it off.
Jesus Christ, lady. I'm giving you seven friggin' days.
I can come over now and kill the shit out of you if you'd rather.
Yo, George, I don't care what you say, man.
I'm signing you up for another rap battle.
Mahalik, I told you. That part of my life is over.
I said the same thing about getting with C.J.'s sister.
- I'm still hitting that. - He's still hitting it, man!
And she fine as shit! That's my sister! What?
It doesn't matter. I'm done.
- So what are you gonna do? - I don't know.
Yeah! Yeah! A-come on!
Maybe my brother was right. Maybe I should just settle down.
- What's up, then?! - Mother...
I got another one, y'all.
Yo, George, man, you can't focus on that shit, man.
Let that go.
Hey, you got to try this shit, George.
Ow!
Yo, man, you got to take the lid off!
- Oh, yes. Of course. - Sorry!
Hello?
George, something terrible has happened!
Cindy, are you okay? What's going on?
George, you have to help me.
I just watched the same tape that killed Brenda.
Then the phone rang, and this voice said I was gonna die.
Cindy, there's no such thing as a killer videotape.
- Oh. - Hell, yeah, there is!
I know somebody who can help you.
- You do? Who? - Wait up, man.
I heard Jamal from 90th street watched that tape last week.
This morning he woke up dead.
How in the hell do you wake up dead?
'Cause you're alive when you go to sleep.
You're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?
You can't go to bed dead!
- That shit would be redundant. - No, it wouldn't.
'Cause you can go to bed and not be dead.
And you can die but not be in a bed.
But you are in a bed, man.
That's how you wake up dead in the first place!
Damn! That's some quantum shit right there, man!
You should be teaching classes!
- Just tell me who can help me! - Damn!
My Aunt ShaNeequa.
Her and her man into this weird shit.
They saw the tape before anybody else knew about it.
- Go see them tonight. - Tonight? Yeah.
But who will take care of Cody?
George, we're gonna have so much fun.
I have some puzzles and board games
and baseball cards in my room
and this really cool model airplane.
- I'm gonna go get it. - Sure.
Okay, so I made him a snack.
You can give him some warm milk if he can't go to sleep.
- Everything's gonna be fine. - Here it is.
I'm great with kids. Heads up, Cody.
Ugh!
- Oh, I left some numbers. - I'm okay.
Ugh!
Sorry. You okay, kiddo?
Thataboy.
And I guess that's it.
- Okay, I'm off. - Right.
You know, it's funny.
All a child ever really wants is a family.
Yo.
Cody really likes you.
Oh, he's a good kid.
Yeah.
Oh!
- Bye. - Bye.